Ninoy as a President: NO!; Single: YES

I’m thinking of sleeping early tonight, maybe 9pm is a good idea, but I think I’m too pre-occupied of so many things around me and quite a few things that happened to me for the past weeks. My mind’s like a balloon that will explode any moment from now because of too much helium and several circumstances are still making efforts to put more of it and maximize the space of the balloon. Simple.

I just checked my livejournal, facebook, multiply and Friendster account and realized that I haven’t updated them for long. Maybe it’s one reason why my mind is full…too full. Maybe I need to write something about some things lately.

My stand in “Ninoy as President” is a NO. I believe that there are so many things to be done.  Just like Inscrutable, I must agree with Gary Olivar, deputy presidential spokesman of PGMA, who asserted that Noynoy must be "his own man." It's true, if Cory didn't die last month, they might not think about Noynoy as a "President." I mean, I'm not against Noynoy but hey, this is a big risk. He should know that he has a very minimal proof of his competency and he really indeed has to learn and prove a lot to deserve to be called as "President." Alright, I’m not hardcore in the field of politics, I had a taste of it but I’m not updated anymore. I’m now just like any other Filipino who works 5-7 days a week and would rather spend the night talking and drinking with friends than scrutinizing each and every person in the political arena. But with that lifestyle, I represent most of the Filipinos, and that means I have the right to say that I don’t think that Noynoy is incompetent but he still has to prove himself to be the RP’s president.

I miss running, dancing and yoga. Good thing I have my cousin with me who never fails to help me prioritize learning new poses and yoga disciplines every weekend.

 I’m now living independently in QC during weekdays and I’ve got new friends and have more time with old girlfriends who used to be teasing me for being too busy and good for not attending gimmicks. Haha. I love them. I’m single (for those who sent me PMs asking if it’s really true, yes, it’s true and don’t tease me for being one because I’m enjoying it) but I’m dating from time to time. But I’m not in real hurry though I miss having someone to care for and to tell how my day was. I receive messages from a few guys asking for chances but hey, I just can’t really be unfair to you, everyone matters and what you feel matters to me so please stop acting like I said that I’m really falling in love with you because I was just being nice to you by replying to your messages or answering your calls and it disheartens me knowing that you’re planning ahead because you thought there is “US”.

This is the saddest part, when you’re not into a serious one, and trying not to get too attached and someone just took your ‘nice’ actions into something really serious that will break hearts. I want to touch hearts, teach minds and transforms lives…but I always want it to be positive…a growth for everyone. Well, I show it if I like a guy but I make sure that there’s an alarm whenever my actions show the “WE CAN EXCLUSIVELY DATE” sign. It’s not that I don’t want to be in a serious relationship but I just don’t think that the timing is right and I still have doubts with the person…maybe.

Just recently, I think I like someone. Given a chance, I would love to be called as his girlfriend and leave the good single life I’m having right now. Hell yah, I’m saying this! Whaaat?!?  Haha. But this is the hardest part, when you started with no strings attached then you’ll realize one day that you’re too trapped in the routine and just can’t live a day not knowing how he was. Well, I still can endure this actually but I don’t know if we’re both scared to be in a relationship or just testing the waters. I don’t want to figure out whatever is happening or whatever it is that we have for each other, I just like this feeling because I last felt it eons ago. I JUST LIKE THE FEELING OF SMILING FOR NO REASON AT ALL. I’m not in hurry, it’s just he’s the best guy at the moment, and there are several actions that make me feel that he wants “US” but …. I don’t know what’s the but. Well, enough of this. Haha. I’m just in the wonderful idea that maybe, I’m on the first step of falling in love again. Haha. Anyway, I don’t think he knows that I like him because I’m talking about different guys as we talk. Hehe. Wrong move. Well, maybe it’s a good thing, diba?

Tomorrow is my IJM anniversary in ABSCBN. Thanks Gwen for reminding me, we used to be together in this but I know you’re happy now. I’m happy at work, but not fulfilled.  I’ll have a good day tomorrow!

You should know if the person is worth it because the fulfillment in true love is worth the wait. And it feels good to be accepted and cared for always…but the best part is when you smile with no reason at all and everything seems to be right.

Greenwich tayo! Haha.

Starting a week.

I had a wonderful weekend with family. Dad bought me a new shoes and we had a sensible talk, he's my man. I'm missing mom since I want a power hug from her because the transition and adjustments at work's a bit killing me. Maybe mom and my former EP is right...i should learn the system first before beating myself up for my self-impost standard that I didn't meet.

I was forced to donate in Greenpeace last Friday by Melvin. =

)Peace!
It was actually a supeeeerrrrr overdue goal already, si Melvin lan

g pala magiging reason for me to finally achieve it. Thanks thanks! I lost my booklet pala re Global Warming, can I have another one? Please update me.(I miss you Aya, you're studying culinary n daw! good luck!)

I saw this in Just G when I went to southmall. kudos! 

LET'S PLANT MORE TREES and help save the climate!

Well, I worry about all the contacts in my old phone...my old number still rings and I don't know the reason why 'that' person keeps it. Maybe because it has 1k load when it was lost or 'the' person cannot find where the sim can be removed or maybe my contacts. I have contacts of actors and actresses in it...even mediamen.

Okay, back to reality. So now, I'm working on 3 stories...and my biggest story is about a mom who needs a make over. Do you know one?

This week will be wonderful!

just a sudden happiness.

July 2 thoughts:

I have a new black peep toe wedge shoe that was impulsively

bought in Alabang Town Center last Sunday and I'm happy about it. Yipee!

But what make me happiest are my "photo with our thesis" (thanks Dust kahit pinilit kita and im sincerely sorry that u didnt find ur thesis. hehe.) and my new Starbucks tumbler which is made with 81% total recycled content, 28% post-consumer recycled content. hehe. i took a pic of them together. yihee. There are just some simple things that have big impact in a person's life.

July 12 thoughts:

I suddenly felt happy. Everything's just right and in its place.=) i'm being patient and it doesn't happen all the time. He's with me, that's why. 

I want a good tan on a rainy day!

For what happened lately, I just felt numb. Well, I saw it coming but I was too insistent. I have several thoughts in mind and my mind is restless...

too much restless. I'm uber stressed but I won't let this happen again:

(I don't know when was this taken but I'm perfectly sure that it was also the time that I coincidentally sit beside a snatcher...thrice. I was too pessimistic.)

 

So I'm just quoting a good friend and one of the most intellectual woman I know---Jaymee for the following indispensable thoughts:

...that patient people are the hardest to find nowadays. Everyone just seems to be into the whole "instant" generation... instant food, money, job, relationships, sex, what have you! Whatever happened to the sacrament of waiting? Doesn't a home cooked meal that was prepared for a while taste way better (and a lot more nutritious!) than an instant noodles? Isn't waiting for the right career or the right person so much more worth it than settling for any available job or a one night stand? I may be guilty of being impatient at times but I still remind myself that "Good things come to those who wait" and I couldn't agree more.

...that "Honesty is hardly ever heard. Everyone is so untrue." (As the song goes!) I don't understand how some people find pleasure in deceiving and manipulating others. How can they sleep peacefully at night? It just makes me wonder why they can't just be true to the world and to themselves when in the end, the truth is bound to be discovered anyway. I don't know why some people don't want to admit they have flaws. What are they scared of? Nobody is perfect anyway. We all have skeletons in our closet. But owning up to it makes a whole lot of difference... it gives you a feeling of peace.

...that when it comes to romantic involvement, the men who just keep talking will never end up walking. I have learned to observe what they do and not listen to what they say. Talk is so darn cheap! Following through with action is the true acid test.

I believe in Miley Cyrus: There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm gonna HAVE TO LOSE. 

I'm too much happy with my girlfriends. I enjoy our super long intimate talks over a cup of coffee and I'm looking forward for more of these! 

I love you girls.

Just when you're numb.

Sometimes, no matter how blessed you are with a lot of people who loves you, you just can't love them back right away because you're too tired to do it...not because of a single person but because of several pains you've gone through. Then, they'll be gone. Then, you'll realize that you're having regrets...but in reality, you shoudn't have... because if they're true to their words and feelings, they'll STAY no matter what... until you're fully-charged and your ready to start all over again. You just can't give yourself to a person if you're not complete..it would be unfair and no one deserves it.

So, just when you're numb and insensitive, take a time to breathe and pray. =)

I'm currently studying Spanish while sleepy. haha. I'm dying to box and have yoga everyday.

"So, pwede nako Cy?"

Let's see.
*wink*

This will be a wonderful week! mua. Take care.

Usapan sa "matatandang" baso.

“Wala man tayong magagawa sa sitwasyon dahil may sarili na siyang desisyon, ang mahalaga malaman nya na may tumututol sa kanyang desisyon.” Siguro nga, ito ang ugaling nakuha ko sa tatay ko. ..

...Hangga’t kayang ipaglaban ang pinaniniwalaan kong tama; hangga’t kayang intindihin at ipaintindi ang mga bagay-bagay sa mga taong maaapektuhan ng mga ito; hangga’t kayang lumaban, lalaban. Walang maliit, walang malaki para kay Daddy...lahat ng aksyon may epekto, lahat ng kasalanan may kaukulang parusa. Diskarte at disiplina. Sabi nga niya, kahit na di malaki ang pagbabago, kahit di malaki ang impluwensya mo, ang mahalaga, narinig nila ang nasa isip mo at napaisip sila sa sinabi mo... maaari ka nang nkaimpluwensya kahit 5% non... Sa maniwala ka’t sa hindi, nag-iba na agad ang resulta dahil don.

Simula pagkabata, (lalo na nong naging SK Chairman ako) nasanay na akong makinig sa mga usapang baso—kwentuhang madalas ay galing sa puso at tunay na hangarin.

At sa mga pagkakataong ito ay may makulit na inumang nagaganap dito sa bahay habang nagkkwentuhan kaming magpipinsan. Nakakatuwang pagmasdan sina Daddy, Tito at iba pa nilang mga kaibigan habang masayang nagtatawanan at nagaasaran. Ang sayang makitang masaya sila, nakakalimot sa anumang sinasabi nilang disappontments at frustrations nila, inaalala ang mga masasayang alaala. Naisip ko, sa pagtanda ko, gusto ko din ng ganito...(parang si Juday lang) kahit 80 katao lang matira sa dinami-dami ng kaibigan at kakilala ko, basta di sila aalis, tatanggapin nila ako kahit na anong mangyari, at magkakaintindihan kami.  Kailangan nating lahat yon, sabi nga ni Mother Theresa, the greatest malady on Earth is the feeling of being rejected and unloved.

At habang nagtatype ako nang kung anu-ano lang, humiga na ang mga cute kong tito at mga kaibigan nila, mayamaya...

“Nagdadasal ka ba gabi-gabi? Nagsosorry ka ba kay Lord?”

“Di ako nagsosorry.”

“Magsorry ka muna. MagSorry ka muna.”

“Nahihiya ako.”

“Sige na... Una ko kasing sinasabi eh...”

“Alam mo, matagal akong tulog...”

“Ikaw? Kailan ka lang nagising?”

“Ahmmm...”

“Gising ka ba ngaun?”

Sabi nga ni Willie, mas mabuti ang magbigay kesa bigyan, ang masaktan kesa manakit, ang malamangan kesa manlamang.

Haha. Hindi ko alam kung may patutunguhan pa kami dito pare-pareho basta alam ko, almost 3 days akong may lagnat. 38.5 ung una kong temperature nong Sunday. Hindi ko alam kung H1N1 ba ang virus ko o labnat daw o talagang may dengue lang dahil tuwing gabi pabalik-balik ang lagnat. Haha.

COMMERCIAL: 

Happy birthday Mommy! I love you! Mua. Please stop greeting me every 5th. hehe. 

Advance Happy Mother's day! You're the best mom and my best friend kaya wag mo na po isipin un ah.

“Minsan sa ating buhay, meron tayong mga bagay na hindi natin nakikita kaya kailangan natin ng iba para makita ang mga ito”— mula sa  aking Tito Hector habang tinatanong nya kay Daddy kung asan sya at sinasagot naman ni Daddy ng “asa Baguio. Asa Pampanga.  Asa Talinting.” At kung mahal mo ang isang tao, sasabihin mo sa kanya kung anong mali at pangit sa kanya dahil may concern ka, yun ang sabi nila. =)

When suffocated, you just need to give in.

The Bottom Line

Trust yourself -- you will be able to recognize an opportunity when it comes along.

In Detail

The romantic rejections you've suffered in your life have been painful, but they have taught you valuable lessons. You're a much stronger person because of what you've been through and you have a better idea of what you're looking for. Now more than ever, you know what you want, what you need, and most importantly, what you will not tolerate. Trust yourself and know that you will be able to recognize a good opportunity when it comes along.

Officially the last day as 21.

Today is officially my last day of being 21.

I just can't believe that tomorrow I'm 22 already. And as what Mj told me, my nirthday should be the most important day of the year because it's the day that I was born. *tears* I'm glad that with that statement he seemed to be too thankful that I was born *kilig*. But unfortunately, I didn't prepare anything for that special day.

I just want Red Ribbon's Smores cake.

And i'm gonna eat it later with my most-loved couz, Zha, when the clock strikes at 12.

I just wanna be with my super miss na miss mom and sis...but I cant.

I thought I'll spend the day with dad but he's home (at Lopez, Quezon). *teary-eyed* Wish I was there also.

Well, I love to spend the day with my MJ. And I will tomorrow.

I have that hobby of jotting down all those who greet me on my birthday with time, so I'm thinking of doing it again this year!...later. Hehe. 

I was reminiscing my past birthdays a while ago, and I just realized that my past two birthdays were too memorable.

2006: I celebrated it with Aillete under my favorite Orion's belt in our house's roof, with pizza. Then, Darren showed how he appreciates me.. It's memorable cause I too much love stars and Orion's belt. And I love aillette cause she appreciates the smallest details of me. She's one of the best friends i've ever had. Darren is a good friend. Some things are not just meant to be... And I'm happy that he accepted that. *wink*

2007: I can say that it was the BEST. Best efforts made by my angel, Mj. He drove me home (Quezon) and let me spend my day with my most-loved family. It was the most memorable gift that I had ever in my life. Thanks for that dude. Pag naaalala ko, super happy ako. nkasmile ulit. hay...

I just received a call from dad. Mom, Tito Eddie and Kuya Jodel greeted me. It feels good. I love life. 

I'm excited for tomorrow.

*wink*

 

Note: the bouquet with heart is made by my budz, Glenn and was given to me on my birthday last year. Thanks budz. i miss you.

No to no goals.

Sometimes, if you don't know what you really want forever, think about what you truly want for the meantime.

Well, I don't want to encourage people to decide prioritizing short-term goals but I think it's best than not having goals.

right Arvee?

Shao Shao.

I'll not deny the fact that I don't truly love what I'm doing or what's happening with my career right now but I opt ot say that I'm proud of my short-term goals.

I'm on my 3rd month as a production trainee and I just reached my top short-term goal this month. Silly and wonderful things are in my mind...but a business with mom and dad's on top of the list. yey! i love it!

How we should live life.

My godfather sent me these tips. Some of the things in the list sound so used, but they're honestly the right thing to do.
c'mon!

Live life to its fullest.

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day.
2. Sit in silence for at least 30 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours. (10 to 5)
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past.  Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past.
     That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control.
     Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
     Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class
     but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast and lunch like a beggar, and dinner like a king.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19.. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.  Don't hate others..
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
24. Don't compare your partner with others.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26. Forgive everyone for everything.
27. What other people think of you is none of your business.
28. GOD heals everything.
29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
33. The best is yet to come.
34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
35. Do the right thing!
36. Call your family often.
37. Your Inner most is always happy.  So, be happy.
38. Each day give something good to others.
39.  Don't over do.  Keep your limits.
40. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it

Spare time is genuine.

Since I started working in TV production, every spare time seems to be genuine and I'm loving every second of it. 

I miss loving what I do.
I miss being motivated.

Normally, my sched is:
      Sunday: preprod meeting
      Monday-Tuesday: taping, preprod (Tues afternoon)
      Wednesday-Thurs: Taping, preprod (Thurs afternoon)
      Friday-Saturday:Taping

Then, it'll be: EVERYDAY, 6am-12am (digitizing, scoring, editing) since I will be assigned to editing now and my partner will be assigned in taping. Yea, better sched? And yea, I'll miss Marc Abaya. haha. (you know it! i have a crush on him since college and he was still a VJ. cute, hot geek!). Well, i'll be less tired but still sleepless...and will be dead soon. haha.

In what I'm experiencing, creative people suffers from irregularities.Promise! Artsy people are just so brave and flexible. We are abnormal and adventurous. Then, soon, we'll be fed up with irregularities... when we get older...older and poor.

Getting Nonsense.

Go away gobbledygook!

Well, i just realized that I know how to ride a bike last week when Hannah and Jao (Mj's young siblings who are on vacation) encouraged me to ride a bike with them when I visited them. And believe me, it's a wonderful discovery. NEXT TIME, I want to discover/ realize that I know how to drive already. haha. 

I MISS MY FRIENDS and OUR TALKS.

I want to study Latin, French and Spanish.
I want to study Law.
I want to have a Master's Degree.
I'm thinking of working in an Advertising Agency.
I want to travel abroad.
I want to love Mj more. hihi.
I want my College yearbook.

Can I have a long talk with my Couz, zarah?
Well, a little time with family and friends is enough for now. 

We can do something for Tara.

Reposted from my cousins, Katchie and Malaine.

Joee is my cousin and we are really affected in what happened. Let's help Tara..let's help my cousin, Joee, and their families.

Word spreads around fast and almost everyone has already heard about what happened to our dear friend, Tara Santelices (Assumption Antipolo’s Batch 2003 and Ateneo de Manila University’s Class of 2007, AB Political Science).

On the eve of her 23^rd birthday, Tara was shot in the head during a hold-up while riding a jeepney along Imelda Avenue, Cainta, Rizal. Joee Mejias, who was with her at that time, rushed her to Amang Rodriguez Memorial Hospital in Marikina City. The parents of Tara and Joee arrived at the hospital shortly thereafter. When morning came, Tara’s parents finally decided to transfer her to the Medical City, Ortigas Avenue, Pasig City. Since 8:00am of August 6, Tara has been in the ICU fighting for her dear life. Her parents have decided not to push through with the operation.

Although it might seem that there is nothing else that we can do but wait for Tara to wake up from this horrific nightmare, we, the friends of Tara, have decided to raise funds for Tara’s hospital bills. This is the least we can do to ease the unbearable pain her family is going through. We have been given the go-signal from Tara’s dad, Tito Larry, and here are the details:

The temporary bank account is under Anne Marie F. Santelices, Banco de Oro, SA 2140-062201. For direct cash donations, please proceed to the ICU Waiting Room of the Medical City (Ortigas Avenue, Pasig City). Please look for Joee Mejias or Lila Santelices.

Any amount will be gratefully accepted. Anonymous donations are also welcome. Please spread the word. Forward this to your family, friends and even to everyone else you know. Please post this on Friendster, Multiply, Facebook and wherever else you can think of. Please send group messages on Yahoo Messenger. This will mean so much to us, her friends. 

Please continue praying for Tara, for Joee and for both of their families. If you want to come see Tara, visiting hours at the ICU are at 9:00 am to 11:00 am and 5:00 pm to 7:00 pm. 

Thank you so much for your time and kind consideration.

For inquiries, please contact Joee Mejias (09228154987) for calls and Jac Ledonio (09167243071) or Myka Francisco (09163695148) for text messages.

My former boss said "good job!"

I sent a message to my boss's YM account upon seeing him online. I just said "How are you?"
Then we talked for a while.
Since we didnt end up good, I remained too casual and a bit rude.

Then...
pma pma: aimee... WELL DONE ON YOUR JOB
Cyra: thanks.
pma pma: SO HAPPY FOR YOU BECUASE I KNOW ITS WHAT YOU WANTED
Cyra: yea...and just like before, i'll do my best for a job well done...and for d company im working for
pma pma: BYE FOR NOW
Cyra: thanks
Cyra: anyway, im glad you spelled my name correctly now! haha
Cyra: bye
pma pma: BYE

I want to have a new life now. Haha.
God knows, I want to forgive but never forget cause I learned a lot.

Life will never be happy with those "unhappy" thoughts.

My life is starting...
...RESTARTING NOW.

thoughts. thoughts. thoughts.

My gradeschool teacher said that we have to put a period to a group of words that states a unified thought, for us to indicate that ‘it is done’… ‘ENDED.’

Same with feelings. In some ‘special’ situations. =)

But sometimes, even if we KNOW the right thing or the ways to END it, if the carrying out of the solution comes, they simply vanish one, two or three at a time.

He visited, and everything seemed ‘to be continued…” *sigh*

Public affairs seem to be the discoverer. In a way, Entertainment seems to be influenced by public affairs already with the truth they've discovered. Then, Entertainment makes masterpieces with that truth to make it known to people...for them to put it to practice.

Makes sense.

When you’re in Public Affairs, the downside is everything has to be factual..so you have to work hard to look for interesting issues to address. For commercial reasons, you have to be very keen in research to look for a unique story. In Entertainment, you have to be creative and imaginative. Well,  both are hard if you’ll think about it.

What if you can’t find an interesting story?

Or what if you can’t think of a more creative plot of a series?

*sigh* I’m feeling down. Too much. My self-esteem is getting low. 

Nasa bahay ang puso ko (super mushy entry!)

Home feels good, always. And Easter Sunday brings HOPE, always.

Sabi sa text ni Lloyd Luna, author ng “Is there a job waiting for you?” and “Do you have the life of your own?”…EVERYTHING ends up alright. If it’s not yet alright, then it’s not yet the end."

Maybe that’s why I’m feeling uneasy these days, madami pang hindi “alright.”

But I’m glad that I’m starting to bring back the missing pieces in my self…in my life, the one that was broken and took me months to fix. Good thing, my dreams didn’t fade. Now, I have hopes. And I still have Him to be intrepid.

I missed living my life. Now, I have a clear path to walk on, true people to hold tightly, and a “never-get-tired-of-Cyra” God to be with me all the way. It’s true that you’ll know the true ones during adversaries, not just anniversaries. Hehe. (I’m trying to be humorous, deymn the rhymes. Haha). And when everything’s done and when you’re left with vague choices, you’ll keep your faith and hold Him tight in prayers.

Funny. Totoong nkaka-degrade ang pagiging bum, and then everything follows. Susunud-sunurin ka nang pahirapan ng lahat ng aspeto ng buhay mo. Then, you’ll feel helpless and empty. Parang back to zero kahit alam mo naming hindi. You’ll reach your lowest point. You’ll cry at maaawa ka sa sarili mo. Pipilitin mong isisi sa iba’t ibang bagay o tao sa paligid mo ang mga nangyayari. Dadating ka sa punto na sisihin mo ang kurso mo at ang malawakang palakasan at diskriminasyon na nangyayari sa iyong masusing paghahanap ng trabaho. Dalawang bagay ang pwedeng mangyari: tanggapin mo ang trabahong hindi mo gusto dahil kailangan mo nang may maiabot na pambayad ng kuryente at makalipas ang ilang buwan ay balik sa pagiging unemployed ka uli dahil di mo matagalan ang trabaho o hintayin ang gusto mong trabaho (na di mo alam kung gusto ka rin o kung talagang gusto mo yon) at tumaas ang posisyon makalipas ang ilang buwan pati na rin ang sahod, benefits at tatawagin kang “Ma’m” o “Sir” ng guwardiya na bawat dumadaan ay yon ang tawag nya.

Everything will be alright.

Hay. Buti na lang may pamilyang di nang-iiwan.
Buti na lang may mga tunay na kaibigan.
Buti na lang kahit na madalas problema ang boyfriend, at lagi daw ako nakakasakal kaya wala ako laging surprise, makita lang siya, parang kaya nang labanan ang mga kaaway at sakupin ang buong mundo.

Ang totoo, natatakot ako sa mga susunod na mangyayari…

Takot ako.

Pero kailangan kong harapin. Baka pag nadaanan ko na’to, kunwari na lang di ako duwag, tuluy-tuloy na ang ligaya! Yehey! Hay.

Help me Lord, please.

Are MEN out of the world? Or it's just US?

     I actually just moved this entry from my Multiply blog, and upon reading the entry again, I realized that there were a few good comments. Time flies so fast.


Last week when I was at home, I had a long chat with some of my girlfriends. And there are lot of things that we don't "get" with men.

• When guys impliedly air their level of insecurity with the relationship like "Alam kong dika sanay magseryoso, pero seryoso ako sayo" or "Baka lokohin mo lang ako ah,"we, girls, think that you want us to reassure you that we're serious about you and the relationship. But if we're showing you how much we love you, by consistently caring for you, asking permission from you regarding some stuffs, doing or wearing what you want and permanently registering in unlimited texting service, suddenly, you'll scream "I WANT TO EXPLORE AND FIND MYSELF. I'm losing myself, nakakasakal, I need space."  Where will be our next stand?
• Why can't you admit your mistakes and when someone exaggerates the story, you'll blame and accuse us for being so talkative on things about us, but in reality, we don't say a thing?
• Why are you having a hard time saying SORRY? And most of the time, assuming that we "got" it already? Are we Madame Auring or MAdame Curacha to discern if you're really sorry or just pretending to be?
• why do you get mad with our "kaartehan" in front of you but when we do it in front of others, you'll say, "Ang arte mo! Buti kung ako lang andon!" Sad. Can't you think that we're most at ease with you that's why we're being maarte in front of you? Also, sometimes, it's part of our lambing and we want you to lambingus back! Chizzy.
• (Many ask this one) Haha. Why do you neglect us, or worst, get another girl to replace us for a while, whenever we're showing that you're the only one for us and we're so truly, madly, deeply inlove with you? Then you'lls ay that you're just playing around. Do we deserve this while all we want is for no one to say "Sayang ang batang to!" to you?
• Why do you strictly ask us to cut every connection we have with our EXes but consistently chech your Ex's friendster and multiply account, text her, or worse, sneak to see her and when we discover it, ask us, "Bakit masama ba kami maging friends?" What are you doing? Testing if the love that you've shared is really gone? Testing if your really over her? COWARD thing. Are you afraid to have no one when we finally can get hold of you and give you up? Or worst, you're just so AFRAID to fall in love to protect your macho image or afraid to get hurt. Pity. Sabi nga nila, asa dami ng investment ang dami ng kita.
• why do you agree that COMMUNICATION is vital for our relationship but when we're seriously having a conversation, you don't say all the things you want to say or sometimes, don't tell the truth? Wose, is "Hulaan mo kung ano yon?" Are you nuts at times or just trying to do some alibi?
• Why don't you want us to wear sexy clothes but your eyes are attached to those women in tight sexy clothes while wearing your sunglasses?

      Well, these vary also. Depending on the maturity of guys. =D
      Anyway, we understand that you love video games, bikes, cars, boy's nightout and RESPONSIBILITY at times. Point taken. LOL.
     Just enjoy life, but remember your future. LOL.

Being young a problem? Never!

It was just one ordinary busy day and I wasn’t feeling well because of the cold, rainy weather. I was still overwhelmed of having new shoes from People Are People which I consider as one of my investments since it’s one of my ardent dreams.

Then, shoot! One NOT-SO-GOOD DAY began.

  

I’m assigned to handle the first issue of our magazine, Breaking Free. (Although until now, there are several grey areas in the magazine scene, we’ve already came up with some vital decisions that lessened the vagueness).

I’m tasked to interview freelance writers, lay-out/graphic artists and all those that will be part of the team. I’m physically, emotionally and mentally prepared of everything that will happen during interviews, since the issue of me being “young” and “inexperienced” is at hand.

Yes, maybe in some areas, I can be considered as lucky to have this chance, but hey, I know that He has reasons for putting me into this!

I always choose corporate attires that will make me look older and smarter, choose make up hues which will transform me into a mature missus, makes sure to project a smart image at all times, and practices professional and canny conversation and mentality.

Goodness! It’s not EASY!

Most of the time I’m seeing myself conscious and unaccustomed of the print media industry but I have to keep my focus of proving to all that I am in the position to say what I have to say and that I’m willing to learn from their professional experiences.  The task was given to me alone and I have to discover things on my own. I have the responsibility to make sure to put together everything in the magazine, from articles, lay-out, to printing.

The experience is fun and rewarding! But I’m fully aware of the presence of bullshits. And this is just my lucky day to meet one of them! I interviewed editors from Summit Media and Mabuhay Magazines, but the very intimidating presence of this EIC from a not-so-established magazine affected me bigtime…NEGATIVELY.

He’s a man in his 50’s, who has copies of his published magazine at both hands, with, according to our business manager, gay-ish gestures, high eyebrows upon seeing me walking towards his direction while he was playing with his long slim umbrella.

His eyebrows remained in their high position in his forehead while I was giving an introduction of the company and the magazine. He indirectly showed that he’s underestimating my right to question his experiences while icing me with questions of my company’s stability and the magazine’s effectiveness.

“I’m a UP college graduate, had MA in UP also, and I don’t think your system will work…”

“Well, I’m working with 28 freelance writers at the moment and I’m definitely sure that the system is working…”

Nice interviewee, best example for the yuppies! Haha. (Well, based on my observation, most of the “experienced” so-called professionals, lack respect and demand as if they own the company during interviews than the young professionals--well, because they're amateurs, maybe).

I just can’t fathom why the society considers them professionals...

…if they can’t accept professionally that there are younger people who will sometimes give them rules and limitations?

…if they can’t accept that sometimes, there are situations that maybe in their perspectives, are giving them moral downgrade, but in a better perspective, are just situations that test their strength of character, wisdom and professionalism?

LEARNING IS A LIFE-LONG PROCESS. AND HAS NO SHORTCUTS.

Know-it-alls must be buried. Haha.

My point is, no one has the right to be arrogant on being more intelligent on some things because there are no two people given exact experiences and chances in life…so everyone learns differently.

Being wise doesn’t mean knowing all the facts around the globe, its process includes life experiences and attitude.

Remember, YOUR ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING.

So, do you still think that being young is a problem while everyone's considered to have an attitude?

Good thing, i have a good one. haha. and my company just fortunately saw its goodness...

Bad for him, he was so empty.

To my co-yuppies, LET'S PROVE OURSELVES...

we're not like those empty professionals...

We're born to lead and compete professionaly, with RESPECT.

Shitting around.

I’ve seen “golden” relationships fail, genuine friendships that were thrown away, expectations that continually made a person down and tragic goodbyes, for two months that were kept and given me some sleepless nights.

Having a fulfilled life is never having a perfect life. I’m thankful of having I-could-not-ask-for-more moments but He’s the cleverest to keep the balance always. And in my case, I have to lend a hand, lend strength to someone dear to me to keep the balance…

The outcome of one's plans depend on the way one think…

As one takes steps in search for happiness, or in deeper and sensible state of mind or feeling, fulfillment, fear and positivity come hand in hand. But one should be brave enough to feel that fear is just an empty space… that will never give resolutions.

If one takes a doubtful step to battle with fear, to move forward to fulfillment, then fail, fear comes like an apparition, which one will never see unless darkness will be recognized because one of the hardest elements in being human is the existence of failure, moreover, the acceptance of it.

Dad forced me to project a “strong” image, but also let me realize that I will only and totally be strong when I’ve been a complete mess, accept it, and learn from it.

My search for happiness is never easier or harder than anyone else. We’re all going to one process; the difference is just our state of minds.

There are some people that continually can’t accept that they’ve shitted to someone or became a complete mess, kept believing that hurting someone is part of the process or part of that someone’s stupidity and indifference, forcing themselves to believe that that’s how life goes. But later on, they’ll wake up in the reality that their refusal to acceptance is the only thing that hindered their growth and delayed their “moments of fulfillment.”

So as the song goes…

Sorry seems to be the hardest word…

I adulate all those who can humbly say “sorry” and show their true selves…

…because in the Bible and in reality, blessed are those who can humble themselves…

…and the truth will be the only thing that will set everything and everyone free…

To my funny friends.

It’s funny that someone who was considered close to me threw shits at my back, slapped me with her pathetic beliefs on worshiping herself and disdaining other’s innocent images, is still turning to me for help and is still considered a friend.

It’s funny that someone who indirectly discouraging me on things, underestimating my strengths but consistently affirming that I am loved, is still considered a friend….

I know some people think that it's funny to keep you, but hey, we have same genes  running through our veins at times... i'm just praying for you to grow up!

To you, my “funny” friends, I never kept anger inside me…because like what Mom claims (always), it’ll never make me more successful or happier, moreover it’ll just make me look insecure and revengeful.

A reminder from Mom to always be thankful for what I have is the reason why I was so focused on the great things, the great things you’ve done for me and to me, than the things that you’ve always wanted to take away from me by doing such “funny” things.

C’mon people! It’ll not make you snooze soundly…

But you’re forgiven…even before you’ve done those things…

No anger.

No insecurities.

No unhealthy competitions.

I’m happy being happy.

And I’m happy I have you.

So many things have changed.

It’s so amazing how time flies so fast. How the handwritten became typewritten, how Betamax became DVD, how penpals became phonepals and eventually became textmates, how porridge was made available in an “instant” packaging to substitute the used-to-be Lola’s merienda during my childhood, how Daddy gave me freedom to live on my own without hearing his usual loud voice when scolding me, how Mommy stopped me from crying from the usual life intrigues, how my friends who used to be Mama’s girls became Mom’s with girls, how my dreams seem to be closer, and how my number of so-called “friends” were trimmed down into half (of thousands…haha) but now more fulfilling since they’re more precious and true.

I’m amazed that one of my closest friends in college who used to collect coins from us to buy her food for lunch easily became "the one" who’s treating us for lunch. Time worked in wonders, because now, the used to what-do-you-need? question of Mommy turned into “What do you want, mommy?” question from me, then with her quick response, “I want you to save for the 100, 000 worth lot, and for our Flower Farm, ok?” 

I’m amazed on how I have a fulfilled life right now thou I don’t have a D&G sunglasses, MacBook Pro, Ipod, worth 28, 000 dress or worth 12, 000 shoes. I’ve fulfilled some of my parents’ dreams, i am snoozing sweetly every night, a wonderful work (though stressful…haha), amazing friends, great family, and the best boyfriend. What more can I ask for? This fulfillment will never be replaced by a 8G Flash Disk… haha.

“It’s funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything’s different”.

One thing will never change, Daddy’s still the greatest when he inculcated to my nuts that “I will be the one to teach other people how to treat me and that RESPECT will always be earned and will always be indispensable…”

Love you, Tantin!

Ay! Dad pala… Haha.

I'm quitting.

I quit.

Quitting is not in my vocabulary when I was a little girl because my Dad relentlessly forces me to keep on fighting always. But my independence (which was deliberately introduced by my parents to us since we started gradeschool) taught me to entertain quitting at times. It causes me tears to quit on things, firstly, because of my pride. Second, because I’m not used to it. Third, because I make sure that I’m doing what I love always (when they’re leaving me with no choice, I try to look at it as a challenge and benefit from it) and opting to quit on them totally suck!

At this very moment, I am quitting (finally! But I’ll be back!). It took me 3 months to accept the fact that I will never have a job related to “fashion or lifestyle journalism.” After graduation, I passed my CV to lots of fashion and lifestyle magazines and didn’t hear responses. Two weeks ago, I realized that I didn’t pass my CV to the company that opened a door for me 4 months ago when I was still looking for my OJT site for print (I was interviewed and was given a warm welcome to the company—a fashion magazine--- then they regrettably divulge that 2 weeks for OJT will not be allowed).

Stupid me. I regretted not applying for OJT in their company early and now, not applying for a job in their company…totally! Stupid me.

I’ve been trying for years! I know I want to be into it but I also want to be in what my family consider as “journalism”…news writing. That’s why I always give both a shot. And just leave everything that’s left to His hands!

Pressure filled me when I began to realize that I was unemployed and my family has to pay debts, my sister needs allowance for school, and I have to generously give something for those “good hearts” that helped me to finish my studies. I then, decided to look for a job…a job. Eureka! I applied for a job, was interviewed, and hired. Just in 3 days! (Well, for some, things like this happen for a day only…hehe. But I love the job. ) The thing I always remember about the interview is what my boss, David Adams, told me, “Sometimes, if things are right, they happen very quickly. If there’s something wrong, it takes time…” hmmm… I don’t know if this is really my place, but I leave everything to Him. I hand over Him my life… and my post as a magazine researcher at PMA Productions, Inc. Hope I’ll get a “great job” from my boss soon…

I just had had my first week at work and just realized that I’m quitting to have the job I cowardly wanting, the passion that I always do away with…most of the time…the passion that Pauline Suaco-Juan, EIC of Preview Magazine, considers as a creative force which gives people the means to express who they are…

Still, as what Elle Woods have said “Believing in your style never goes out of style…”

Hay… maybe I’m showing off some of “me” but I’m quitting a big part of me for now…because maybe what I consider as me is never really me.