I'm quitting.

I quit.

Quitting is not in my vocabulary when I was a little girl because my Dad relentlessly forces me to keep on fighting always. But my independence (which was deliberately introduced by my parents to us since we started gradeschool) taught me to entertain quitting at times. It causes me tears to quit on things, firstly, because of my pride. Second, because I’m not used to it. Third, because I make sure that I’m doing what I love always (when they’re leaving me with no choice, I try to look at it as a challenge and benefit from it) and opting to quit on them totally suck!

At this very moment, I am quitting (finally! But I’ll be back!). It took me 3 months to accept the fact that I will never have a job related to “fashion or lifestyle journalism.” After graduation, I passed my CV to lots of fashion and lifestyle magazines and didn’t hear responses. Two weeks ago, I realized that I didn’t pass my CV to the company that opened a door for me 4 months ago when I was still looking for my OJT site for print (I was interviewed and was given a warm welcome to the company—a fashion magazine--- then they regrettably divulge that 2 weeks for OJT will not be allowed).

Stupid me. I regretted not applying for OJT in their company early and now, not applying for a job in their company…totally! Stupid me.

I’ve been trying for years! I know I want to be into it but I also want to be in what my family consider as “journalism”…news writing. That’s why I always give both a shot. And just leave everything that’s left to His hands!

Pressure filled me when I began to realize that I was unemployed and my family has to pay debts, my sister needs allowance for school, and I have to generously give something for those “good hearts” that helped me to finish my studies. I then, decided to look for a job…a job. Eureka! I applied for a job, was interviewed, and hired. Just in 3 days! (Well, for some, things like this happen for a day only…hehe. But I love the job. ) The thing I always remember about the interview is what my boss, David Adams, told me, “Sometimes, if things are right, they happen very quickly. If there’s something wrong, it takes time…” hmmm… I don’t know if this is really my place, but I leave everything to Him. I hand over Him my life… and my post as a magazine researcher at PMA Productions, Inc. Hope I’ll get a “great job” from my boss soon…

I just had had my first week at work and just realized that I’m quitting to have the job I cowardly wanting, the passion that I always do away with…most of the time…the passion that Pauline Suaco-Juan, EIC of Preview Magazine, considers as a creative force which gives people the means to express who they are…

Still, as what Elle Woods have said “Believing in your style never goes out of style…”

Hay… maybe I’m showing off some of “me” but I’m quitting a big part of me for now…because maybe what I consider as me is never really me.