I'm quitting.

I quit.

Quitting is not in my vocabulary when I was a little girl because my Dad relentlessly forces me to keep on fighting always. But my independence (which was deliberately introduced by my parents to us since we started gradeschool) taught me to entertain quitting at times. It causes me tears to quit on things, firstly, because of my pride. Second, because I’m not used to it. Third, because I make sure that I’m doing what I love always (when they’re leaving me with no choice, I try to look at it as a challenge and benefit from it) and opting to quit on them totally suck!

At this very moment, I am quitting (finally! But I’ll be back!). It took me 3 months to accept the fact that I will never have a job related to “fashion or lifestyle journalism.” After graduation, I passed my CV to lots of fashion and lifestyle magazines and didn’t hear responses. Two weeks ago, I realized that I didn’t pass my CV to the company that opened a door for me 4 months ago when I was still looking for my OJT site for print (I was interviewed and was given a warm welcome to the company—a fashion magazine--- then they regrettably divulge that 2 weeks for OJT will not be allowed).

Stupid me. I regretted not applying for OJT in their company early and now, not applying for a job in their company…totally! Stupid me.

I’ve been trying for years! I know I want to be into it but I also want to be in what my family consider as “journalism”…news writing. That’s why I always give both a shot. And just leave everything that’s left to His hands!

Pressure filled me when I began to realize that I was unemployed and my family has to pay debts, my sister needs allowance for school, and I have to generously give something for those “good hearts” that helped me to finish my studies. I then, decided to look for a job…a job. Eureka! I applied for a job, was interviewed, and hired. Just in 3 days! (Well, for some, things like this happen for a day only…hehe. But I love the job. ) The thing I always remember about the interview is what my boss, David Adams, told me, “Sometimes, if things are right, they happen very quickly. If there’s something wrong, it takes time…” hmmm… I don’t know if this is really my place, but I leave everything to Him. I hand over Him my life… and my post as a magazine researcher at PMA Productions, Inc. Hope I’ll get a “great job” from my boss soon…

I just had had my first week at work and just realized that I’m quitting to have the job I cowardly wanting, the passion that I always do away with…most of the time…the passion that Pauline Suaco-Juan, EIC of Preview Magazine, considers as a creative force which gives people the means to express who they are…

Still, as what Elle Woods have said “Believing in your style never goes out of style…”

Hay… maybe I’m showing off some of “me” but I’m quitting a big part of me for now…because maybe what I consider as me is never really me.

I'll be stepping in PICC for the first time.

               

I'll be stepping in PICC for the first time.

I didn't get a chance to watch any theatrical play in CCP or a graduation in PICC, the only time I see these places is whenever I’m on my way to Manila. For a genuine probinsyana like me, marching in PICC Auditorium is one hell of a dream come true. Thanks to Mom and Dad! And to my ever-supportive Tita Billie and Couz Zha. Things were not easy for me. Getting the degree in Broadcast Journalism put me in thrilling yet dangerous experiences that truly honed my talents and sharpened even my confidence. Broadcast Journalism is all about life's wonders.

I used to write "Baccalaureate" in my little pink notebook when I was in high school because I didn't know how to spell it right! yey!

Thanksgiving completes me.

I went to Baccalaureate alone, without my parents. It simply sucks but like what my ever-supportive ninong Leo have said, "That kind of situation and feeling can make you tough..."

Two days from now, I'll formally have my Bachelor's degree and offer that to my loving parents who are now still in Quezon, waiting for my lil sis to finish her NSTP and for our pigs to empty their wombs with my thank-God-to-piglets scholarship. Haha. I want to be a vegetarian and advocates animals rights, but I'm giving harm to pigs for my education...so ironic. =(

Well, thank you Chabelita, Maria, Rita, and a lot more (those are our pigs' names...shhh.) for sacrificing for your little playmate's education! Hope you had a fulfilled stay here on earth!

Life is good when you're living it.

I'm near to it.

I found my old blogs and compiling it here now. Here's the old old site.

"Tough moments don't last, tough people do."

Since i heard this from one of my new and good friends, Lloyd Luna, during one of his talks, I'm always convincing myself that i'm keeping it in my nut. haha.

Yesterday was a wonderful day. i was so excited to submit all my final OJT Requirements, meet Budz for the concept forthe alumni concert of Himig Kalinangan, and finally, get my TOGA!

Wheew. I'm now feeling the excitement of having a degree! I'm trying to get busy, trying to finish all the school requirements for graduation to forget about missing 'home' and not feeling the fulfillment of graduation. Hay...

I've waited so long for this, but I'm feeling down and neglected right now. I seem to be forgotten.=(

Mom and Dad are not calling, no one seems to appreciae and be happy seeing me with my Graduation Cap & Gown..except for Ate Malou, our helper, who said "Wow. Gagraduate na siya!" when I arrived home (The situation became more gloomy when Ailette told me about her Mom's excitement when she saw her toga. hehe. I envy her, I know she's home.)

I feel neglected at home (I'm living with my tita, tito, and cousin right now because my parents and sister are in Quezon). Or maybe, I'm not just not used to live in an environment like this, busy...

...or maybe I just miss home. Because now, I'm up to something I long for...and they're not by my side right now. Hindi lang siguro ako sanay... hay... I miss those times when my bestfriend, Mom, will tease me about graduation, Dad will force me to present to him my plans after graduation, and Labs (short for Kalabaw), my sis, will always compete with me but in the end when i feel down, will cheer me up and whisper (for Dad not to notice her because he forbid us to say "Tanga" at home because he said it connotes disrespect and insults one's intellect) "Para kang tanga Tol. bakit ka nalulungkot?" Hay..I miss home. The place where I can find myself, see my goals and dreams in a clear view, and be proud of who I am.

I wept when I reached my room feeling that no one is excited for MY DAY. Until now I have my eyes swollen because 'til this afternoon, I'm projecting my sadness to several things.

I really miss home. Hay...

College is tough. But I assure you that you'll not or you didn't notice it because of being focused to your goal...to your dream and self-fulfillment.

The process may not seem so tough because we might be so busy believing that everything is possible...every dream is reachable. There were several tough moments, but we didn't feel them longer because the process kept us unnoticed in molding our toughness. Then we're tough. hehe.

Like what my favorite song says "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly, I'll do what it takes til I touch the sky..." hmmm...I'll always breakaway.

With all the vices, parties, redhorse, and malls in our time, I would like to congratulate all the Graduates of 2007!

 I adulate your toughness and your eagerness to chase the dream that quietly sits on your mind and heart. Congratulations for striving to know your limits and to your willingness to learn and unlearn life's realities! I hope that the memories during the process will always remind us of our toughness and of our wonderful quest for knowledge and self-fulfillment. Continue nurturing relationships because these are the reasons of our success.

To my home and to my second home, my diploma is for you guys. To all of you who became part of the process, thank you so much. Nothing could ever replace the happiness seeing my home and my second home happy of what I've reached and done.