Shitting around.

I’ve seen “golden” relationships fail, genuine friendships that were thrown away, expectations that continually made a person down and tragic goodbyes, for two months that were kept and given me some sleepless nights.

Having a fulfilled life is never having a perfect life. I’m thankful of having I-could-not-ask-for-more moments but He’s the cleverest to keep the balance always. And in my case, I have to lend a hand, lend strength to someone dear to me to keep the balance…

The outcome of one's plans depend on the way one think…

As one takes steps in search for happiness, or in deeper and sensible state of mind or feeling, fulfillment, fear and positivity come hand in hand. But one should be brave enough to feel that fear is just an empty space… that will never give resolutions.

If one takes a doubtful step to battle with fear, to move forward to fulfillment, then fail, fear comes like an apparition, which one will never see unless darkness will be recognized because one of the hardest elements in being human is the existence of failure, moreover, the acceptance of it.

Dad forced me to project a “strong” image, but also let me realize that I will only and totally be strong when I’ve been a complete mess, accept it, and learn from it.

My search for happiness is never easier or harder than anyone else. We’re all going to one process; the difference is just our state of minds.

There are some people that continually can’t accept that they’ve shitted to someone or became a complete mess, kept believing that hurting someone is part of the process or part of that someone’s stupidity and indifference, forcing themselves to believe that that’s how life goes. But later on, they’ll wake up in the reality that their refusal to acceptance is the only thing that hindered their growth and delayed their “moments of fulfillment.”

So as the song goes…

Sorry seems to be the hardest word…

I adulate all those who can humbly say “sorry” and show their true selves…

…because in the Bible and in reality, blessed are those who can humble themselves…

…and the truth will be the only thing that will set everything and everyone free…

To my funny friends.

It’s funny that someone who was considered close to me threw shits at my back, slapped me with her pathetic beliefs on worshiping herself and disdaining other’s innocent images, is still turning to me for help and is still considered a friend.

It’s funny that someone who indirectly discouraging me on things, underestimating my strengths but consistently affirming that I am loved, is still considered a friend….

I know some people think that it's funny to keep you, but hey, we have same genes  running through our veins at times... i'm just praying for you to grow up!

To you, my “funny” friends, I never kept anger inside me…because like what Mom claims (always), it’ll never make me more successful or happier, moreover it’ll just make me look insecure and revengeful.

A reminder from Mom to always be thankful for what I have is the reason why I was so focused on the great things, the great things you’ve done for me and to me, than the things that you’ve always wanted to take away from me by doing such “funny” things.

C’mon people! It’ll not make you snooze soundly…

But you’re forgiven…even before you’ve done those things…

No anger.

No insecurities.

No unhealthy competitions.

I’m happy being happy.

And I’m happy I have you.

So many things have changed.

It’s so amazing how time flies so fast. How the handwritten became typewritten, how Betamax became DVD, how penpals became phonepals and eventually became textmates, how porridge was made available in an “instant” packaging to substitute the used-to-be Lola’s merienda during my childhood, how Daddy gave me freedom to live on my own without hearing his usual loud voice when scolding me, how Mommy stopped me from crying from the usual life intrigues, how my friends who used to be Mama’s girls became Mom’s with girls, how my dreams seem to be closer, and how my number of so-called “friends” were trimmed down into half (of thousands…haha) but now more fulfilling since they’re more precious and true.

I’m amazed that one of my closest friends in college who used to collect coins from us to buy her food for lunch easily became "the one" who’s treating us for lunch. Time worked in wonders, because now, the used to what-do-you-need? question of Mommy turned into “What do you want, mommy?” question from me, then with her quick response, “I want you to save for the 100, 000 worth lot, and for our Flower Farm, ok?” 

I’m amazed on how I have a fulfilled life right now thou I don’t have a D&G sunglasses, MacBook Pro, Ipod, worth 28, 000 dress or worth 12, 000 shoes. I’ve fulfilled some of my parents’ dreams, i am snoozing sweetly every night, a wonderful work (though stressful…haha), amazing friends, great family, and the best boyfriend. What more can I ask for? This fulfillment will never be replaced by a 8G Flash Disk… haha.

“It’s funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything’s different”.

One thing will never change, Daddy’s still the greatest when he inculcated to my nuts that “I will be the one to teach other people how to treat me and that RESPECT will always be earned and will always be indispensable…”

Love you, Tantin!

Ay! Dad pala… Haha.